On The Right Track, Grateful & Anticipating

In a healing process. Reminding myself of that great truth: that a loving life flows; is not sought and not gripped. It comes by invitation and stays with appreciation. Nothing beautiful is hunted and captivated.

Have had many small wonders in the past few weeks. Ordinary weeks by all accounts, from the outside anyway. But they are an upward directional arrow for me. Working life, office life, is good because my boss is one of those young entrepreneurs, so the environment at work is fairly energetic and upbeat. It’s a small company so I am kept on my toes with the work. The mini meetings we have are fun. Like one moment last week it was myself and the boss-man and manager-lady passing around a container of vivid blue teat-spray (for cows) and we were sniffing it, and he was trying to coax descriptions out of us. “How does that make you feel? Where does it bring you?” he’d say, bringing the concoction to his nostrils, inhaling while closing his eyes. “Oh it takes me back. It’s so delicious. So fresh.” Me sitting there, thinking it’s hilarious. It does smell good to be fair, minty.

The train up and down to Dublin is alright. My first few journeys I found painstakingly long and boring. But the last couple of trips I ended up chatting to the people sitting across from me and that’s the best thing to do, I think. I’ve come out of the temporary shell I was in there for a bit. I feel very relaxed and easy-going and friendly now. Suppose that all comes from feeling less irritated in general. Feeling all this appreciation that the wisdom of this ecstatic Summer brought to me. It’s really wonderful. I feel like my heart has been cleaned. The darkness in there is mostly gone. All that was was repressed and unexpressed love, and the built-up residue of soul-grime, from not recognising how much I have to be thankful for. The heart could easily become heavy and dark again if I do not practice the cycle of a good life:

1. Recognise what you have
2. Be thankful for it
3. Fill with gratitude/wonder energy
4. Use this energy to express loving-kindness/love
5. Welcome more loving-connection into your life
(And recognise all those loving connections bring, and be thankful and so on… the cycle repeats.)

This is my new mantra.

Between dancing on the cold mud in the park with joyous strangers and being uplifted at a party full of people who believe, like I do, that this whole pandemic-control thing is something more sinister than it appears. Watching a dapper Argentinian man get up on stage and sing a Beauty and The Beast song, as an ode to Ireland. Meeting the lads who claim to have summoned Storm Barra who hit Ireland mid last week. Being invited to ‘the womb of Ireland’; a cave that apparently looks like a woman is giving birth. Then finding myself the other day dancing and chanting in a room full of older hippy types, in an unassuming little community hall near my house. Chatting to some of them after over tea, wondering what it was like before and what do they remember of this city? Slightly reminiscent of Dublin’s heyday that I never got to witness. Things are very different now here and I don’t feel totally optimistic about this city. But sure flowing with it, and finding the good’uns. Someday I’ll set up a community hub there and be a piece of the brick and mortar of this city myself. Over the next while I’d like to become its busker. A silly-song-singer. A truth song singer, silly style. Let’s see how and when that will happen.

Anyway, just to say, plenty of good is being invited in to my life right now. And it’s not only the brief moments with these snippets of community that I see myself integrating into, but I am so happy to see my family every weekend. And it does feel amazing to be opening myself up both to rich friendships and to the more fleeting connections, on the train or street.

Things are going in the right direction and I am grateful. Not much else to say. A simple enough blog post, as far as they go. No major revelations. No major events. Just feel in tune and aligned and looking forward to see where I am taken over the next few months and what else will enter my life. Not desiring too strongly, just gently being and trusting that whatever and whoever should be there, will make their way in. I look forward to the stage where I deep-dive into improving my ability to connect deeply with others and where I live a very connected, community-oriented existence.

Shedding the insecurities and self-judgement and letting my inner warmth shine through and grow.

Have a wonderful day and if you need a mantra, remember:

1. Recognise
2. Thanks
3. Gratitude
4. Love
5. Connection

Say it like a rosary while you’re walking. Especially if you find you’re playing negative/obsessive thought loops on repeat!