Overcoming Social Insecurities

Lately I have become hyper-aware of my bad habits surrounding socialising. Namely, what the thoughts are in my head, which are holding me back from growing deeper relationships and making more connections with people in general.

I don’t believe in labelling ourselves, as we all go through different moods and phases in life, and people in general are too complex and magical to be fit into boxes. But I can be quite introverted at times, and of course I can be very social too. Sometimes I wish I were more social, but I tend to hold myself back. At other times I know I just need to be alone and that is okay.

Through recent conversations with family and friends, self-reflection, journalling, and who knows; some higher-consciousness development, I am coming to recognise the faults in my ways of thinking. I hope to let go of some of these old patterns and beliefs, just to clear away the bullshit. Hopefully that will lift a load from my being and open up space for more love and friendliness in my life, as I continue on my wandersome journey.

So without further ado, here are my new beliefs regarding social conduct… I am going to write these things as if I already do them, but of course that is not the case. Not yet. First comes the word, then the action!

– I don’t make other people’s stories my stories

– I don’t depend on other people’s (perceived) approval of me to feel secure in myself

– I don’t overanalyse things people say and do

– I don’t try to guess if people have a problem with me. It’s not my responsibility to find out what their issues with me are. It is their responsibility to bring their issues to me.

– I don’t dwell on things I have done or said and how they’ve affected somebody, unless it is obvious I need to wrong a right. I don’t go around carrying weights that I am not certain exist.

– I enjoy social interactions for what they are and when they are over I don’t think about them too much. I don’t draw conclusions that the person doesn’t like me for X/Y reason after the meeting. I don’t mull over encounters, I don’t give them disproportionate weight.

– I am ok with some people disliking me. I know I cannot be liked by everybody all the time. That is impossible.

– I give people the choice to like me or not. The invitation is open to respect me, but nothing real can be forced so I allow them the integrity to make the decision themselves.

– I know that often when people appear uncomfortable in your presence, it is because there are thoughts and feelings coming up within them, which may or may not have anything to do with you. (Most often they have nothing to do with you, but with the person themselves.)

– Other people have insecurities too.

– When people act out of their insecurities in your presence it is up to you to be strong in yourself and not let their insecurity become your insecurity.

– I do not fear rejection, because I never reject myself. I love myself so the rejection of another person does not chip away at me.

– Because of a lack of fear of rejection I am more authentic, bolder and more free in my interactions with people

– I don’t get anxious about social occasions. First of all because I am chilled-out, but also bubbly and can get along with almost anyone, if they want to get along with me. Second of all because I unsubscribe to the stupid games people play, mostly to do with sex. The games of competition for attention from attractive people. The games of comparison of looks/strength/charisma/skill. I let the people who play these games do what they like, but I do not allow myself to get involved or affected by these games.

– I know that most people are too preoccupied with themselves to think too much about you anyway. Just as I am too preoccupied with myself to think too much about others that I don’t know very well.

– I know that any kind of connection is a two-way process, it is reciprocal. If you don’t show interest/curiosity about someone, why would you expect them to be interested in you? If you don’t show love, why would you expect them to? If you don’t look happy to see someone, why would you expect them to light up when they see you?

– I am friendly with everyone but I am choosey about who I am close with. Close relationships of all types are investments and I don’t waste time on relationships that do not fit/ need to be forced.

– I am OK all the time. My baseline is neutral okay-ness. Social interactions pick me up, but I don’t depend on them to be ok/stable. The stability is always there and relationships exist to increase joy and connectedness and aliveness etc.

This is what I have gathered so far. There is still all of this to assimilate and probably so much more to learn. This seems like a good place to start.