Hannah Freelance Creative

I feel timed I feel blind I feel out of my mind
I feel trapped I feel snapped
I have seconds to react

Go with the flow
Is it though
Such a seamless stream
Or is it decision by decision
Reactivity

I want to be in a little boat in the river
I want to be a little boat in the river

I want to build a statue from twigs
I want to live in a cave

I want to run around with muddy hands and feet
I want to be wild
I want to be free

I don’t want money
I don’t want to be under somebody’s thumb
I don’t want to be trapped in by clocked-hours, by timed-shifts

I want to be out from these rooves and shelters
I want the canopy to be my ceiling

I want to see the sky
I want to fly

I want to bud like a flower in Spring
and then explode in blossoms in Summer

I want to read the books shared with me
I want to share books

I want to hear how the conversations go
I want to live in a conversational home

But now I am fading
Out from this zone
Of Urbanity
Vanity
Of employment and wages
Of compulsory spending
Just to exist here
Betwixt the bricks here

I don’t want to be a student
But I want to learn

I don’t want to work below you
And I don’t want to work to climb above you

I just want to drink tea from bits of leaves and berries
Somebody picked
From that tree over there

I want to sleep in the midday sun
On a patch of dry moss
And wake up to a hug

I want to live in a tribe
of wild people
who cut their ties to the west
but strengthened the resolve to nest
who have become sort of wise
without a fatal guise
shaken off the need to constantly
surmise
analyse
the need to others,
patronise
shaken off their academical looks
their too many books
people
who have stepped out into the air
and know
there is nothing to know
when everything to know
is breathed

I want a tribe that runs awry
who smile smiles that never die

Their spirits are large
Their hearts are too
Their egoes are deflating
Like a lustreless balloon

We grow and we fall
We traverse the thick cut fog

We do not need to take pills or powders
For the earth does nourish

Viscerally alive in this moment
Knowing what it is to be animal
And fully being animal
Breaking away from that diseased deception
That living normal is

We will break away from civilisation
we will make a new nation
of nationlessness
where borders are not recognised

Police are avoided
for they are dangerous things
so afraid of their aliveness
they hammer down on what aliveness is
they deny their true nature and lock you up
when they themselves are the ones knotted tough

and we are all locked up

we must escape those who question us for wanting to opt out of the game
we are all born into it
and will die in it
unless we realise
we can fold our cards

breaking out is a struggle
you must wrestle with the straight jacket
to wiggle free

or you can stay in the game
the game has rewards
that’s what keeps you hung
and so muster along and make your potions and let it all fall
and there is a sadness that pervades always
and you push it under the pillow
and you march on and you grow tougher and your smile grows weaker

you engage on a shallow level with all those around you
but you know you could go deep
if that melancholy wasn’t a millstone around your heart
dragging you down
left with a large draft in your breast
a heavy treasure chest
of burden
and if there weren’t that lump in your throat or that sty in your eye or that hobble in your gait
if there weren’t that blind spot or that blockage
you could see and feel and hear
and you would not need to question
what is so true

truth is within
truth is innate
we do not need to prove we need air
to be alive and awake

we do not need to prove that animals can feel
we do not need to prove that water is wet
we do not need to prove that eyes are the gates to heaven
in our mania we have to question
why even the heart does beat
why even the touch is sweet

by all this questioning we have become overly neat
wanting everything in it’s place,
named, tamed, explained
we think we are so clever and yet we have made ourselves fools

I am called to wander
wander around the beaches
round the forests
round the rocks
collecting seaweed wearing frocks
my toes will be callused
but my heart will be wide
bad things will happen
but good things too

bravery is the first step
you cannot take a safe step into adventure
you cannot comfortably tread into unknown waters
you cannot hold back when jumping off the proverbial cliff

in order to talk with the trees
in order to be of the breeze
to really know to really see and for them to see you
you’ve got to be there
you’ve got to deepen
you’ve got to know the touch of bark
and the soil in your toes
that’s what it is and that’s how you’ll know
it was the right step

you cannot leave this to the fringes of your life