Today I rode on the back of a motorcycle for the first time. The wind blasting in my face, trees and cars whizzing by, the fellow driving was chanting. A big drum wrapped in a yellow Indian cloth was strapped to the front of the gnarly, flashy machine. I lived the contrast – the hippy drum and the macho bike.
We entered the port tunnel – into the orange glow – lights whizzing by me. Going so fast and not doing a thing. It was a rush of delight – and it was something else… Something transcendental. Maybe it was partly due to the floaty coffee headspace I was in but I found myself ‘seeing beyond’.!Seeing the world as it is. Well that has been happening quite a lot to be fair, but it was quite stark being on the back of the bike. The simple smallness of the world was so apparent. The neatness, the temporality and the transcience. A few years ago I’d tend to think of this state as disassociative or even ‘simulator vibes’, but now I accord it with the path of enlightenment. I do see the world as smaller now. I see the patterns. I see the illusion. I see every object as a temporary facade. For sure there was something more delightful in how I saw the world as a child, when my ego was stronger (or so they say). But now my challenge is to learn to appreciate my new perspective for it’s own beauty. To see the truth is special… Maybe it’s a process to go through before one really grooves with it…
Anyway, here I was whizzing down the tunnel on the back of the bike, sitting completely still. And I tell you, it was such a trip. A total happening. Wu-wei. Kind of felt like one of those space ride video games where you are POV in a rocket ship or something and flying through some mad kaleidoscopic vortexes… The moment called me to be present. I thought “If I can’t be present in this moment, riding on the back of a motorcyle for the first time in my life, on a beautiful sunny day in my home city, on the way to a lovely community gathering – how could I ever be present?” So I did become present, for a few seconds… Then thoughts crept back in… then a few more seconds of presence, and so on.
As we passed Dublin airport and then some big outlet shopping districts, I really felt the smallness of my home place. Aside from the transcendent thoughts that saw everything as false images… in a fleeting life experience… there was a cherishing in it. On a level closer to the every day. There was a warmth for the place I’d always been, and am only truly getting to know now, with adult eyes.
I felt a rush of happiness as I imagined all the possibilities for me over the next few years, as my spirit becomes freer and I enmesh myself more in these wonderful communities that are building. All these singers, dancers and seekers… artists and musicians… these vibrant, eclectic folk. Maybe the world is ending. Or maybe God’s kingdom is coming…. Can’t be sure. Gotta life it. All I know is I’ve been a little too wrapped up with myself and another and the matters of my heart. But I’ve been peeping the majesty of living in love here and there. I’ve been stealing glimpses of creative possibility and ecsatic, dynamic lifestyle potential. The world really can be a playground… And that is something this special person has been showing me. A wonder he really is, even if he is the source of my greatest challenges, I cherish the magic he brings. Always attempting to strike a deeper tone in small-talk interactions, which he frequently initiates. Playing music for people we meet on the street or on the bus. Always asking wait staff/store assistants how they are doing, genuinely. Even if he is a bit like me, not always fully present or connected, he really does try to connect with all kinds of people all the time. It is the way of love. And with a characteristic Irish casualness & friendliness with a hippy quirky element. It is really a wonderful way to walk in the world. I love that in him. I hope to open myself to this level of comfort and connectivity… I strive to overcome a) my preoccupation with my own needs b) my shyness/insecurity c) my reclusive introversion d) my sheer apathy. All these aspects to me come and go and deter me from walking though the world in love and light. I can’t force myself to change overnight, but I intend to follow the self development process forward – mostly through meditation, singing, chanting and discussions at the temple for now… and well, most importantly, continuing ‘to life it’. Surrendering to the inevitable wisdom of growing older…
So the afternoon was spent at a lovely couple’s home, where about 20 of us gathered and sang and chanted and meditated for about 2 and half hours in total. After we drank coffee and tea and ate biscuits and had the chats. A very bouyant jovial energy in the house. Not too pretentious either (always a bonus!) I couldn’t connect as deeply as I wanted to – and felt some insecurity/aversion and was spacing out quite a lot. But when I found myself noticing my lack of presence I found I was either judging myself or desiring to ‘get more present’ which only increased the underlying anxeity I had. So it was a good opportunity to just practice surrender. My head was so full of the same shit thoughts on loop and it wasn’t until we meditated (thank god we did) did I allow myself to see how mucky it is up there and how much surrender really is sorely needed!
A highlight was listening to the woman of the couple tell the story of how she escaped a 15-year long addiction cycle and went from California to all around India and ended up in Ireland. She almost became a nun in an ashram in India and talked about the similarities to prison – where she also spent time ! It really seems to he the case that the more intense people go on the whole spiritual path, often it’s because they’ve gone so extreme in the other direction. Mad respect for those who break their toxic life patterns and ‘save themselves’ (with a little help from some friends, and god of course!) She did say Ashrams are full of some very effed-up individuals..! Anyway just before she took the final leap to shave the head and say goodbye to the world (run away from it…?) she met an Irish fellow and three months later was engaged – despite always been adverse to marriage !
Now her and her husband are creating this awesome community of ‘spiritual’ folk – singing, chanting and meditating together – in Dublin. In the name of “there is only one religion – the religion of love” I am sooo grateful for their work! And I am excited for where it goes!
Feeling lazy so that’s all I can manage to say!
Much Love,
Hannah
Hannah Fitzpatrick Creative 