Crumbs Of My Vision – May ’21

I want to become the most amazing me I can be. I want to reach and reach for my potential, never stopping, only pushing the bar higher. Perversely, it can be scary to catch myself in moments of becoming. When I feel like I am doing well, sometimes it makes me shirk away from myself. Like there’s added pressure, and as Nietzsche said “when your higher self speaks, it speaks demandingly.” It can be much easier to be low and empty with no expectations of yourself. You can just float anywhere and be silent and still and that can be nice, at times. But it can get boring. There’s so much more possibility when we do things and connect with people. Summer is coming and with it, life energy. I feel a shift happening within. Energy building. I’ve wanted this to happen for a while, but it felt wrong to force it. Now life is picking up. The season has a lot to do with it. But also becoming firm in my dreams, being realistic and confident I will reach the first benchmark of them. Feeling challenged and inspired and awakened. It’s all integrated, my sex drive is high and my imagination strong. Visions emerge and excite and explode. The type of life I want to live is the type requires me to be better, and that is ok. I will move towards that in love. The bedrock of self love and self respect is laid. It is not perfect, but hey we say a flower is in bloom as soon as but one petal emerges. At 25%, 50%, 75% bloom etc. we just say ‘in bloom. So I have love and I’m on my way towards a richer inner love. I can now set goals and trust that I will take the steps to meet those goals out of love, not out of punishment or feelings of lack or anything opposite of love.

So here are some ‘crumbs’ of my dreams, for my mind is busy these days, excitedly churning out visions. I write them down for myself and now I am writing them for others to read. First comes thought then the word then the action. This is the word and the action will come even sooner now that I’ve said it.

So here we go

I will own land. Approximately 5-10 acres. I will create a highly biodiverse, wild forest garden section with different species of plants bursting from everywhere, including many edible plants. I will have a section for growing food with a polytunnel and vegetable patch operating on permacultural principles. Wildflower meadow, pond, tree nursery, native Irish woodland are other ideas for the land.

I will live in a lovely little cottage or cabin. Perhaps naturally built from cob or wood. It will be surrounded by trees, beautiful green views from windows. Yellow door and window frames and white walls. Mostly wooden furniture etc. inside. Timber burning stove for heating. Colour everywhere: rugs, blankets, paintings, decorations, curtains etc. Organised full bookshelves of my collection. Kitchen with many jars storing dried herbs and grains and fruit. Homemade jams and kombucha and bread etc. Beautiful cozy interior all round.

Refurbished van turned camper van outside.

Playful and active life. Have loads of toys: skateboard, surfboard, kayak, hiking boots, frisbee, trapeze, hulahoops etc. Don’t call it exercise call it play and do lots of it, alone and with friends.

Dance all the time: alone, with friends and at (sober?) raves.

I will have an amazing, fit, beautiful body and be full of life energy.

I will set up community hub, possibly on my land. Multipurpose hall. It would be a spacious hall and a big part of it would be movement and play. Yoga, trapeze, raves, dance classes, martial arts etc. could go on there. Place for artists and musicians to meet and gather and create. I will host lots of parties, gatherings and events in this space (the hippy Gatsby did someone say?) 😛 It could also be used by visiting groups eg. activist groups who are hosting weekend residential workshops.

I will be well read, knowledgable and an intelligent and interesting conversationalist. I want to be curious.

Beacon of light, energy and love. I have a bubbly side to me, I hope to be like that more often.

Published author

Poet (feeling a sense of responsibility develop in this area, more on that in another post)

Illustrator of some sort (do something with my habit for my madly out-there doodles)

Paint (just for fun)

Skilled Guitarist

Acting skills (just for fun) be decent at accents etc.

Learn languages (Russian is a big wish)

Deep, long-lasting friends

Friends living local and friends who visit

Spend many Winters abroad. Perhaps have a base in Portugal or somewhere. Don’t want to spend every single Winter in the depths of gloomy Irish Winter. Big believer in hibernation, but hibernation for half my life? No thanks. Definitely no animals on my land for they tie you down, though possibly a dog and cat who my siblings could mind…

Plenty of solitude and space.

Attract an amazing man worthy of me and who will adore me (as I, him)

‘Babbies on the rug…!’ As much as my body is crying out to get pregnant, it will be wise to wait a good while to have the babbies. Want to have savoured my free gypsy days. Want to develop the patience for the demandingness of children.

So they are the crumbs for now! Ever evolving as I’m ever moving closer. A lot of this seems very far away, but I feel so excited and firm in this dreams that I have feeling they will all start to slot into place and start happening much sooner than might seem intuitive. I’m excited. This brings me the energy each day. I still really value being present. But when you are in an uncertain place of limited (though increasing) movement/possibility, then it is so important to have tangible goals to energise you into action. Make those dreams in your head sexy and shiny and you will move there much quicker.

Another Nietzsche quote “My formula for our happiness: A Yes. A No. A straight line. A goal.” Brilliant. Decide on what you want. Cut out all the rest. Make a beeline to your destinations (but of course it won’t be your last stop, but your first of many ‘benchmark’ goals.)

That’s it for now,

Slán,

Hannah