Why periods hurt

Body: Hey! Hey! Check it out! I just made this super-awesome, deluxe, baby-carrier thingy..!

Mind: Yeah, yeah…

Body: Granted it used up a lot of our energy reserves to create this thing… however it’s sooo comfy and warm, the baby is gonna love it…

Mind: Yeeeeah… about that…..

Body: Just so darn pumped to have this baby! We’ve got everything running perfectly so you will get pregnant… High sex drive, hair is looking fiiine, pheromones in good order…! Any day now we will be pregnant..!

Mind: Ehhh… So, I hate to break it to you, but we use these thingys, um… condoms, so like, um, there is not gonna be, eh, any baby…..

Body: Fuck you.

Mind: Hey, let’s be rational here. We are still young, we’ve got so much ahead of us in li –

Body: FUCK you

*Period starts*

Mind: Hey, that hurt!

Body: Oh yeah? It hurts does it? It hurts? Good!

*Intense cramps attack the abdominal area and begin shooting down upper legs*

Mind: Oh come on not cool lady.

Body: You know what’s not cool? You know what’s not cool? Spending FOUR FUCKING WEEKS preparing a perfect baby-holder only to be told THERE IS NO BABY. We are getting rid of this thing THE HARD WAY. Take it. Take all of it!

Mind: Feck it, we’re taking some IB Brufen…